I Loved You First - Germany x Reader

I Loved You First

Reader x Germany x Fem!Italy

[Author's Note: I felt so sad writing this! Germany, why you do that to poor Reader-tan!?
Inspired by the song 'Sampson' by Regina Spektor. LISTEN TO IT! IT BROKE MY HEART SO MUCH! D: Link is in the description.]

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go

You say there silently watching Ludwig and Feliciana walk by hand and hand. It was not that long ago, but you had heard about the fact that they were now a couple. Just seeing them like that made your heart ache. Of course you could not say anything about it. After all, Ludwig is your closest and dearest friend. Also your crush. You can not to anything that would make him look at you differently.

But how could you? Italy is your best friend. She has always been there for you since the two of you were young. Your friendship with her meant the world to you. If you talked badly about their relationship, you could lose the both of them.

So there you sat on, watching the utterly heart-breaking sight before you. Not that they would notice, considering you were writting in a little journal that you kept in order to write out your true feelings without them ever finding out.

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

Ludwig was smiling a lot more now that he had Feliciana. It looked like there would be nothing strong enough to change his love for the Italiana. That is what killed you. You had known him for as long as you could remember. He was the one that you came to for help, for advice... for anything that you felt depressed about. And he would listen to you as you had did for him at times.

These days-- even if he had work to do-- he would try to make time for her. It was the right thing to do, was it not? After all... you gave him advice to allow him to get together with Feliciana. So shouldn't you be happy?

Apparently that just was not the case. You loved him with all of your heart. But he was with Feliciana now. All you really could do was smile and say that you were happy for them. That you were alright with your friend and crush being together.

Sure, there were times where Ludwig and yourself would get together alone at times before they 'hooked-up' and just hung out. Like friends would do. Although... there really was not a time where your heart was not beating just because you were with him. He always made you feel this way, even if the two of you were together for only a second.

Now that he was with someone other than you, your heart would not stop aching.
You sighed and returned to writing in your journal.

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light

[Flashback]

"Oi Ludwig! Hurry up, will ya?" You hollered to your German friend that was trying to keep up with you. "I thought you were better than that, Luddy! Come on!"

He looked up at you and glared slightly. "If you would just slow down, maybe I can keep up with you!" When he finally caught up to you, you just took off running up the grassy hill again.

You could only giggle when you heard him groan. "I know, I know... but I just wanna show you something before it goes away! Let's go!" This was it... he was finally going to be with you at the one place that you admired the most. Just a few more minutes.

"Mein gott... are we almost there yet? I just want to go back home..." "We're almost there... stop complaining!"

And you were right. The two of you had made it to the top with plenty of time to spare. Before Ludwig could say anything, you got down to the ground and laid down on it. It was not that you were tired. Quite the opposite really. You were really staring up at the stars of the moonlit sky. It was an amazing sight to behold. It was one of the main reasons that you loved the place so much.

"Lay down with me Ludwig...  let's just watch the stars for a little while." He immidiately complied once he saw the sight of the sky. It really did look beautiful. "You know... I used to come here all the time when I was a kid. I just wanted to share it with you too."

He said nothing as he continued to star-gaze. Just then, there was a shooting star.
"Oh! Ludwig, let's make a wish!"

He looked at you as if you were crazy. "A wish? What good will that do?" Yes, he remembered the times when Feliciana would say wishing on a star would work. He never expected for you to believe in such nonsense.

"Oh come on... just do it! You won't regret it!" He just heaved a heavy sigh before wishing for something in his head. You just smiled at him before wishing too.

Both of you were wishing about a certain someone loving you two back.

However... Ludwig was wishing for someone else.

----------

"[Name], [Name]!" You heard Feliciana calling your name.

You blinked as you turned around to see both her and Ludwig coming toward you. "Oh, hey guys! What is it?"

"Ludwig and I are dating now! Isn't that great?" Your heart nearly shattered upon hearing those words.

They were dating now? How this happened, you did not know, but it was a lie to say that it did not hurt you. "Y-You two are...dating?" Your eyes were wide, but you did not cry. "That... that's great!" Your voice could have sounded a bit more excited, but you were trying to show that you were happy for them.

"Ve~ Thank you [Name]! Ah, I have to go now. Fratello wants me home soon. Ciao!" She says before kissing Ludwig quickly on the lips. Now that was a sight you just were not thrilled to see.

Once she had left, you and Ludwig were left there alone for a minute. But there goes your heart again, beating like there was no tomorrow.

"S-so... you are dating Feli now?"

"Ja... are you... okay?"

"Y-yeah... I'm okay."

Another moment of silence occured. Before he could say anything else, you just had to get away from him for that moment. "I-I have to go now... I'll... see you later."

He was surprised for a moment before nodding his head slightly. "J-Ja... later then."

[End flashback]

You had not noticed the tears that were falling from your eyes after remembering the sweet memory that you had shared with him. Yet also remembered the moment that you had saw them together as a newly formed couple. Wiping your tears away, you continued to write in that little journal of yours.

Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

Dear Journal,

So... they are together now huh? I guess it was for the best. The two of them looked really happy, didn't they? I am really be happy for them... I am. Although... why does it hurt so much to see them together so much? They are both of my closest friends. I should not be moping around thinking about how they ended up together.
I hope that one day they will live happily together. Because that is what they deserve. This relationship is not all about me. If I get involved, I could hurt them. Especially Feliciana. Letting them be together is the right thing to do... is it not? Then... why am I crying so much? Why am I in so much pain? Why... did my wish not come true?

Hoping for the best,
[Name] [Surname]

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first